hollow

another entire birthday has come and gone since my last post. it never even struck me to think about updating this, and i really don't even know why i am right now. things haven't even really changed since then.

well, i guess they have somewhat. i've been taking summer classes at UCF. yep, i'm trying to get that over and done with. who knows how long it will take, but i'm finally doing it. i've acquired more artwork on my body. i've been back at at&t since october of last year, which was a HUGE relief for me. i've met some new friends since the last time i wrote on here, and they have become some of the most important people to me. i've also done a lot of traveling which i need more of.

father's day just passed, and it was hard on me. but i knew it would be. that is something that i don't ever think will get easier. it gets easier to deal with in a way, but that's just because more time passes. still, not one day goes by that i am not thinking about my dad, or get bummed out that i can't see him or even pick up the phone to say hi. my brother moves back to florida in september, so i think that will help me more. it will help us both.

i'm still unhappy. i need to leave florida, but i don't know when that can happen. this is a big part of why i'm not happy, because nothing ever changes. it's the same bullshit all the time. the people are what i think i am tired of the most. that and the fact that i can't stand being here. it's so hot and i just need something new. i miss rva a lot, and i still regret ever leaving. i'm mostly so melancholy because i can't quite seem to stop putting myself through emotional stress and anguish. i let people treat me like shit and just stick around to let it keep happening. i give people too many chances and care too much.

why do i do this to myself? why do i put myself through this? i say that things will change, that i will stop letting that happen - but when?